Some Hope After All

Usually i write something disparaging about my family and especially about my parents but today I took a step towards trying to get answers to my family questions.  About 2 weeks ago, I received a text message from my biological mother asking how I was doing during Hurricane Harvey.  I did not respond because I had told her back in February that she was not to contact me for any reason whatsoever.  Still I was peeved at this because usually when I tell people to leave me alone, they usually allow me to be left in peace.  I was a bit conflicted by this so I called my mentor last week to discuss the matter.  Her message to me was to simply let the situation maintain itself and to not respond until I was sure of my words.  She wanted me to make peace with my biological mother but I told her that the issue wasn’t about forgiveness but about moving forward with someone that I had grown to hate and distrust due to the many evils that she has done against me.  Also I was skeptical that someone can really change at the advance age of 56 but then I also realized that now that she had given birth to my youngest sister, she might be willing to accept somethings.

So today, I decided to give her a call after spending the past few months being tormented by my grandmother in dreams and visions urging me to give her “a second chance”.  When I talked to my biological mother, she was crying over her past treatment of me and that she would respect any and all of my decisions and actually be a supportive parent for the first time in my life.  I still remained skeptical as I insisted that as to why she would not honor my wish to be left alone and she told me that she could do any of those things but that due to her love for me.  I laughed and told her that it was a contradiction for if she loved and respected me then she should allow me to live my life in peace.  She promised me that if I was to give her a chance, that she would be the kind of mother who was supportive, nurturing, caring, and would support all of my decisions without judgement and criticism.  I remained skeptical of all of this and she then told me that if she did anything to wrong me again, that she would honor my wish for she knew that she wouldn’t hurt me anymore.  She also said that having a near death experience going through her pregnancy made her realize that she needed all of her children in her life and pointed to her acceptance of my sister’s interracial relationship as proof; a proof that I could not deny.

So I went to the house and visited my 10 month old baby sister and it reminded me that despite my claims and support of nihility that I was still a human being with love for the innocent ones as my grandmother had raised me to be, but I have long strayed from those ideas as the evils of this world has radically altered my perception of reality.  So I stayed, talked, ate Nigerian food, and am slowly going to try and re-establish bonds with my biological mother, stepfather, and baby sister.  I prefer my lonely lifestyle out of habit and comfort but my stepfather said that I should try to make more of an effort to come and see them and I told them that I would try from time to time to do that.

This experience has given me hope for the very immediate future; but sadly my diabetic condition has worsened and now I probably have at most one year left to live.  At least I will know that I have made amends with some of my past actions and now I simply am left to enjoy what is now left of my life.  Let this story serve as a reminder despite all of the chaos of Hurricane Harvey that there is still hope left in this world and that there are good people left, although I will admit that there aren’t many of those left in this world.

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